Weightloss and parenting...

Can they coexist peacefully?

I mean, no one wants to see food go to waste.  So you have to finish it right?

Oh, is that only me?

Damn.

At least it's mostly vegetables...

"He's still too young"

For you

Those last two words weren't said out loud, but they were heavily implied with her coy smile and head nod towards me. 

A pedophile.

Again.

Someone took it upon themselves to call me, a gay man, a pedo simply because they don't "agree" with my "lifestyle". 

I was at the open gym for a local little tots gym class.  I go every week because my kiddo can run through the place like a wild woman and not hurt herself.  It's awesome. 

She was wearing her rainbow Love Wins shirt, which I'm learning is a huge, HUGE political statement around here. 

Political baby is political

We had already had an interesting interaction when we first walked in.  A man nodded, I said hey.  He looked at her loves win shirt and promptly left the gym area, leaving his kid to play but sitting outside.  He indicated to his friend that it was because we were in there.  He obviously didn't want to catch the gay cooties. 

Then my friend had an interaction with the woman who I quoted in the title. 

"Oh your daughter is so cute."
"She's not mine, she's my friend's."

"He and his wife are so lucky to have a cute kid!"
"He and his husband."

That was all it took apparently.  She stopped talking to my friend. 

She then implied I was a pedophile.  Simply because I casually asked a woman how old her son was.  He had achieved an amazing feat of climbing over the rock wall and sliding down on his own.  I was impressed!  And also really curious how old he was. 

After the mother told me how old he was, bigot lady spoke her words and implied her implications.  I ignored her.  My goal is to not get banned from awesome places my kid loves.  So I casually told my kid that this was her 2 minutes warning.

It was more like 30 seconds.  I needed to leave.  I had to get out of there.  It was no longer safe for me to be in that same room as the woman who thought I was a pedo, least I touch someone and she demand I be arrested. 

She loves this place

So I left.  And then I shook the whole way home.  Partly from embarrassment, partly from rage, partly from sadness.  I now had a reason to check the gym before letting my kid play there.  That woman made it unsafe for me because I knew she would be believed over me, every time, no matter what.  My childcare credentials meant nothing next to her swearing she saw me touch a child inappropriately.  All of my education credits and classes meant nothing next to being accused of touching a child. 

Because too many people still think gay men are pedophiles.

It is 2017... why are we still having to have this conversation?  Why are we still having to fight this battle?  Why am I still having to fear taking my kid to child centered places because of women like this?

Oh, in case you were wondering, like I was, the little boy is 2.

The most simple task

Sometimes it's nice to watch your child complete the most simple task. 

Baby girl has begun cutting her own breakfast banana. 

It is beautiful

Today was boring

I like to remind myself that some days with children are really boring.  And that is not only okay, but sometimes much needed.

In our life we go go go so often that sometimes we don't sit down and just enjoy a good day at home.  Enjoy a good day just calmly following a routine that is often forgotten.  A good day just relaxing in your pjs with nowhere to be and no one to please. 

And that was today.

We sat downstairs and watched an episode of Sesame Street.  What is it about Elmo that makes children go bananas?

Then we built towers with the blocks.  Drove our cars into the towers then laughed hysterically as they fell down. 

We upstairs and worked with some of the materials on her shelf.  We built more towers from the rainbow nesting buckets.

And we read books.  Boy did we read books.  Probably 20 different books about 10 times each.  This girl likes to sit and be read to, and then to sit and read to you.  I need to tech her to read ASAP so I can get a break, and a glass of water.

And we enjoyed this simplicity.  It was nice.  It was easy.  It was gentle.

Everything a good day off should be.

So don't fear the boring.  Don't fear the quiet or the mundane.  Embrace it. 

Sensory bins

So I had this brilliant idea!  I am going to make baby girl sensory bins!  She'll love them, it'll be great.  I watched a ton of videos on different bins and decided on a rice bin and a water bead bin. 

What could go wrong?  Everyone in the videos were having so much fun! 

I had such wrong expectations for these activities. 

Enjoying her new rice bin

First the rice bin.  Oh she so does love it!  Everything about it.  Especially throwing the rice everywhere.  She pours it from cup to cup, uses the spoons to pick up and put it on the floor.  She can't wait to get her hands in there to throw it above her head like confetti.  I started singing "make it rain, make it rain, rice rice rice!" today.  Which got a huge laugh out of her, but it was seriously humor to avoid screaming. 

And when it's time to take the rice away?  Oh the melt downs.  She wants to keep throwing it everywhere and can't understand when papa says that it's time for the bin to go away for a while.  You'd think I was killing her slowly with each grain of rice she can't throw on the floor! 

Aren't they so pretty?

Then we have the lovely water bead bin.  This one was my favorite.  I watched a video on using the ginormous water beads, for safety and all so they can't be swallowed whole, and because kids can easily pick them up!  So I immediately went online and ordered them.  Waited for 2 day shipping (free!) and then plunged about 10 into water and waited 3 days for them to fully swell (no ridges!).  Then I place then on the table for her and waited for magic.

Oh there was magic alright.  The magic of how quickly can she decimate the entire bin.  She got 4 beads in before I took the bin away from her.  That melt down she had over rice?  Quadruple it.  She was livid!  Absolutely livid. 

So, I'm sure this goes without saying, sensory bins are put away for a while.  The screaming, the tantrums, the mess.. just aren't worth it for right now.  I'm not saying forever, please don't yell at me over it, but I am saying for my sanity, this isn't going to happen again for a bit. 

Some of the carnage

What is on her shelf right now!

We are Montessorians.  Which means we follow the Montessori method.  So every few weeks, right now anyway, I am changing out baby girl's shelf of materials. 

This is what is on her shelf right now. 

I am not a professional photographer... and baby girl loves to be in pictures...

So this is her current shelf.  On top is just a couple pictures of herself and her piggy bank, so I didn't include the top. 

So on the top shelf there you can see there is:

A nested rainbow stacking toy.  We got this at Wal-Mart last year and to be quite honest, I have no clue what it is called.  I cannot find it on their website either.  If I do find it, I will update this with the exact name. 

Melissa and Doug stack and sort board.  I've had this for years, from way back when it was in my classroom at daycare.  It is durable and other than some chipping paint, it has held up well to use and abuse by many toddlers!  It is still a bit advanced for where baby girl is right now, but she's getting better at it daily.

Melissa and Doug animal large knobbed puzzle.  This is not my favorite, to be honest.  The pictures are already coming off from when baby girl was gumming it before teeth and it's just not held up as well as I had hoped.  Perhaps it's not meant for teething babies, but honestly it should be better put together.  Baby girl has just started showing an interest in puzzles. 

On the bottom shelf:

Melissa and Doug First Bead Maze.  I love this.  It has suction cups on the bottom, but they are crap.  Baby girl has been enthralled with this toy since she got it at 6 months old.  It is perfect and still played with daily.  I am a huge fan of these type of toys for fine motor skills.  She is currently taking one finger and running each individual bead through the maze.  Amazing concentration.

Manhattan Toy Skwish Natural Rattle and Teether Grasping Activity Toy.  Say that ten times fast!  Baby girl got this rattle when she was about 6 months old.  I am very science based and knew we would need practical teething toys that would fit the Montessori ideology.  To that end we found a natural wood teether that worked well.  She is 19 months old now and still loves this thing.  She likes to shake it and feel the beads hit her hands. 

Melissa and Doug abacus.  I had put this toy up for a long time because baby girl didn't seem to ever want to play with it.  It came back on the shelves a few days ago and she has found a new love for this toy.  She will sit and move the beads back and forth until she is forced to stop.  It is awesome to see her love it when I was fearful it was a waste of money. 


As you can see, we are huge Melissa and Doug fans.  We find their toys so practical and nicely priced. 

This is not the only things in her room or that she has access to, least every think I am keeping my child from toys.  In the living room she has 2 types of blocks and a million dollies and blankets.  In her room there is also a tent with a bazillion stuffed animals and books.  It is supposed to be for reading, but well, this picture shows you her favorite activity with the tent currently...

Ahh to have the imagination to once again think of yourself as Godzilla, destroying the towns below you. 

Her closet is also full of toys we rotate in and out as she loses interest in her current selection. I rotate about every 3 or 4 weeks right now.  She never stays on one thing too long.

We also have sensory bins and a toy kitchen for her.  She is loaded to the max with fun things she can do all day! 

5 things they don't tell you about becoming a dad...

This is a pretty straight forward post.  There is so much about becoming a parent that no one tells you, or you don't believe when they do tell you. 

5) Children scream, a lot.  Not just screaming in pain or when they need something.  No, that gets better as you learn their cries before they get to the screaming phase.  No no, they SCREAM, at the top of their lungs, for no reason.  They are exercising their voice, I'm sure, but I wish it would happen more outside than in...

4) Being overtired means they have so much more energy than normal.  You would think being tired they would sleep.  Oh no.  Sleep... that's cute.  Nope.  Being tired means get them to bed immediately or your risk the "second wind" and holy crap please don't.  '

3) Your child can be the best behaved kid in the entire restaurant, sitting nicely, playing with their toys, eating their food without making a mess.  But even a peep as you leave the door and all people have to say is how obnoxious kids are in public.  Like, really?!  She made a peep as I put her coat on her to leave and you are gonna complain?  We've been here 45 minutes with golden silence!  Get over yourself. 

2) You will get pee on you.  I worked in childcare for years before having a kid of my own and no kid ever peed on me.  I potty trained and changed diapers in all sorts of situations and never had a child urinate on my, ever.  With my kid?  I stuck my hand in pee thinking it was plastic in her diaper.  In  my defense, so did my husband.  We are tired people. 

1)  And the number on thing no ne tells you about becoming a dad?  You are awesome.  You got this.  Parenting comes naturally to some and not so naturally to others, but no matter how it comes, it comes.  Sure, you get grossed out by snot suckers and vomit.  They are bound to embarrass you at the most inopportune times.  But it's all worth it when they wrap their tiny little arms about your neck and kiss you for the millionth time. 



*All images used are memes I found online.  They are unaltered from when I found them.*

You do what type of parenting?

It seems there is always an argument over the best "parenting style".  Everyone wants to know.. do you practice gentle parenting?  What about attachment parenting?  RIE?

When I mention that I practice common sense parenting, they just don't get it.

You see, I do not do just one parenting style.  I am not a big fan of one way only to do something.  There are many ways to achieve goals.  There are many ways to make sure things are done in a manner that works and is not breaking something before fixing it. 

Yes, there are some things I don't do.  I will not spank my child.  Science has shown me that is not okay.  I won't shame my child, I don't want to be shamed, why would I shame someone else, especially someone I love so much as her. 

But there are always people.  The people who know they are right and won't take your answer as anything but assuming you haven't done the research. 

Look at this goofball.  Perfect.

"Well, this parenting style is obviously superior because it does this!"

"This parenting style gives my child the ability to do this!

"I can't believe you would even think of doing something other than this parenting style!!!"

And they go on to give examples of children who are well beyond where your child is and tell you if you were doing it THEIR way, you would have such an amazing child too.
Funny part is... I have a pretty damn amazing child.  She's funny.  She's brilliant.  She's beautiful.  She's everything I ever wanted for in a child.  And no parenting style would give me a change that I think would be more important than just listening to my kid. 

Sure, I wish she spoke logical complete sentences so I could understand what she wants when she's crying at 2 am and I've tried everything I know how to do. 

Sure I wish she could drive me places so I could sleep in the backseat like she does!

Sure, I wish she could cook gourmet meals by reading the recipe and knowing exactly how to work that spatula to flip the sausages. 

Shoes... her favorite playthings are shoes...

But she can't, because she is a toddler.  And that is okay.  Someday, someday she hopefully will be able to do all those things.  But if she can't, that's okay too. 

I think it's really really important to focus on your child vs your parenting philosophy. 

Focus on who your child is, and who you hope they become.  Don't put pressure on them to achieve greatness while still in diapers (or a toddler age for those who EC with their babes).  Don't make your parenting style more important than your child and their actual needs, wants, and abilities. 
I do common sense parenting because I just listen to my girl.  Sure, sometimes I get it wrong.  But listening to her is more important than always being right.