Getting tomatoes in the ground!

So our Earth Day was spent planting our tomatoes.

It was an absolute BLAST!

And hard work that had me sweating in 70 degree weather.

But we did it with only a few casualties of the toddler.

She was very helpful though, when she wanted to be.

And when she didn't, I set up some bamboo sticks and gave her one and she was content to smack the other sticks since they sway and bend pretty easily.

All in all, I am excited for what is to come from our maters!

Here we are getting everything set up.  I measured and used the smaller bamboo sticks I had to put down where I needed to plant the tomatoes.  I alternated each post between the Black Vernissage and the Cherokee Purple

All my future supplies.  And the garden soil I was using to mix into the bed.  The soil in the raised bed is the same red clay we have all over the yard here.  So I got a couple different seed mixes to mix in with it to actually plant the plants with (all of them, not just the tomatoes).  

Moving along swimmingly!  About half were planted by this point.

And my little helper took a break to play a bit!  She helped her daddy get some raspberry brambles chopped down and put out for yard waste.

Done with planting!  It took waaay too long to finish, but hey, it was done!

Mulched and staked.  Ready to tie the tops of the bamboos together for the tomato cage!  And yes, I do plan to mulch in between, but I ran out of mulch.  I wanted to outline the plants first because that is how we show baby girl where she can and cannot step.

All tied and ready to go.

I still need to put the cross bars on the cages.  But I just ran out of time today.  They were then watered and we were done.


Still to do for these?  Basically I am going tomorrow to get mulch.  Or if not tomorrow then a day it doesn't rain.  And I need to spread mulch from the first row of tomatoes all the way out to the edge of the garden around the blackberries.  I am hopeful that will cut down on the volunteer strawberry plants we have still coming up despite weeding them constantly!

Our food is shaping up nicely!

Put down the books

It seems you can't ask for parenting help anywhere without getting a ton of recommendations for books.

I constantly get asked if I've read this book or that one.

If I have a review for them on it.

And I do read parenting books.  I find them troublesome and amusing all at the same time.

But my advice to you?

Put down the books.

Walk away.

Be with your child.

Okay, hear me out before you close the browser, mumbling about how much you love your parenting guru.

I hear you.

I understand you.

I was once you.

And then I realized my child wasn't any of the children in any books I've ever read.

She was her.

And her alone.

And I needed to stop trying to be the perfect parent a book outlines.

And instead be the perfect parent she needs.

And Deserves.

I'm not perfect, but I'm exactly what my daughter needs at exactly the moment she needs it.

I don't do everything "right" according to the books.

I don't "pick and choose" what fits my ideology.. because then what's the point of reading and advertising the book in the first place?

I don't enjoy the idea that someone knows every child and what they need in their parent or caregivers.

I'm not saying those people don't have good ideas.

I'm not saying their ideas are bad (or all of them, some of them are VERY bad).

I'm saying that as a parent, trying to live up to the expectations of a book was not the path I wanted to continue on.

Trying to make my daughter fit into one of he examples given in a book and then dealing with her in that way was unfair to her.

It didn't help my parenting.

And it made us both mad and intolerable in the end.

So I put the books down.

And currently I'm working on listening to my daughter.

Her needs.

Her experiences.

Her wants.

And parenting her according to those.

And sure, we aren't perfectly gentle in every thing.

We often say GOOD JOB!

We are even known to lose our shit and yell.

And that's okay.

Because we don't have to live up to a book to be good people.

To raise good people.

Our children rarely turn out good despite us, or in spite of us.

We are all active participants in the lives of those around us.  And we change those lives daily with our interactions.

And that is what empowers us as parents to teach our children to be the best they can be.  The impact we have on them daily in our decisions and reactions to them.

And so I threw away the books.

And I've turned myself inward.

And I parent my daughter based on how she needs to be parented.

Not what a book says.  Or a guru says.  But based on what she says.

And that is good.

Safe and unsafe

How often do you take a few minutes to assess your situation before speaking freely with anyone?

For us?  That happens quite often.

Living in a red state is what it is.  I mean, we knew moving here there would be times we weren't safe.

It is just weird thinking about it all in a writing space.

It is weird walking into a new restaurant and wonder if the people are staring at us because we are new or because we are gay.

It is weird walking into a shopping center and wondering if the people are staring at us because our daughter is so beautiful or because we are gay.

It is weird sitting at a new doctor's office wondering if it's going to be a safe place to mention I have a husband, not a wife.

It is weird searching for a dentist that you don't have to call your husband your friend... or that his staff doesn't interject that before you get a chance to answer.

It is weird, but it is also infuriating.

I get so mad listening to people talk like we can't hear them.

Knowing full well we can hear them.

I get mad when little kids who are parroting their parents called us faggots.

I get mad when little kids at the pool can't seem to understand but then yell to their parents "Mama, they married!  They gay!" as loud as they can.  It wasn't a nice acknowledgement either.

I get mad knowing my daughter will be impacted by people's bigotry against us and our family.

I get mad knowing we may have a harder time growing our family due to bigots and assholes.

I get mad, but I try to stay hopeful.

Hopeful that we can be an example of a boring, everyday gay family doing everything that straight family does.

Hopeful that we can raise our child/ren in a manner that they can brush off the negative bullshit.

Hopeful that we can live to see a day where I don't have to lie to my dentist for fear he'll fuck my mouth over.

Hopeful that the seeds of change are being planted in the younger generation.

Hopeful that someday, a generation of children don't have to hide who they are, nor come out to anyone, because we've helped normalize gay in the world.

Hopeful that by just being us, a child can grow up to just them themselves.

Everyone should live their truth.

Learning with crafts

Recently baby girl has gotten super into crafts!

She loves all things coloring and more recently painting.

I busted out the water colors this other day and she was in heaven.  A complete activity she can do on her own.

So lately our days have been coloring with white board markers.

And then painting with water colors.

She is budding artist, but also learning so much without the tedious idea of sitting for a schooling lesson.

See, she colors shapes with the white board markers.

While coloring she names them, we talk about them, point out the letters in the alphabet of their heading.

Then she paints.


And often she'll say "Oh papa, look, rectangle!"

So while it's nothing like a rectangle, she is starting to put together the concept of her colored shapes with her drawing.

I'm loving it!

Garden update

We planted something!

Outside!

It wasn't exactly how we thought we'd be planting right now, but hey, life happens.

We originally planned to start out cabbage seeds indoors.  Get them nice and big.  Then transplant.  And that would be our first thing outdoors.

Yeah, those poor cabbages got leggy.

Then root rot.

Then died.

So we had to change the plans!

It became decided that I would just throw everything in the ground and see what survived.

Well, not everything!

Everything that can be planted with the fear of a frost still looming.

So That's what I did.

I set out to just get some basics in the ground.  After looking at what I planned, then realizing it didn't mesh with the space that I had, I again changed a few plans.  I opted to do just one row of cabbages.  Well, one 12x12 square.

Yeah, we are trying square foot gardening right now.  Because it made sense!

Anyway, put in just 4 cabbages.  If they grow, GREAT, I'll plant some in the fall and we'll have a bigger yield.


So from there I also put in my lettuce, 2 squares, and my carrots, 3 types in 5 squares.  That's what you see in the above picture.

To round out my first planting, I put in parsnips, onions, spinach, and kohlrabi, 2 squares each.

So there we have it!  The first of the garden is actually planted!

I have no clue what will grow.  I am watching over it pretty carefully.  The kiddo is helping in her own special way!  And we are watering it.

I am excited to see what happens with this and to move on to the end of the month when I can put in our tomato plants and pepper plants and all the other stuffs that I have ready to go into the ground!

Good night walks

As spring enters our world, so does our need to get out after supper.  So after supper the other night, we put our flip flops on, and the husband harnessed up the dogs, and away we went!

Usually baby girl loves walks.  But tonight she just seemed off a bit.

Then I realized it was a full moon and while I know there is no real scientific assertions to behavior changing on the full moon, I gotta blame it on something!

But this ended up being not  just a regular walk.  Baby girl ended up falling and slamming down right on her kneecap.  

So far we have no injuries, but she does often say it hurts and it is swollen.  

Other than that one incident, it ended up being a beautiful walk.  Everyone enjoyed strolling through the streets.  We did the medium loop since it was our first time in a while going out for the walk.  Eventually we'll work up to doing the big look through the entire neighborhood.

This is one of my favorite family activities we do.  And I am excited to do it more as the weather gets nicer!

Blackberry bushes

I finally planted something in our newly weeded garden.

Blackberry bushes we got as live plants!

Look at them!  All grouped there looking so pretty.

We decided to order just one fruiting bush this year, and thornless blackberries seemed to be the best option for us.

We ordered from Baker's Creek and could not be happier.

We ended up with three different types.  This one is the Von blackberry bush.  It's a thornless out of NC and should grow well in our region!  It's supposedly mildly sweet but a good producer.  

This on is the sweetie pie, and you can also see my sweetie pie in the picture!  This one is supposed to be the sweetest blackberry on the market with 10-12% sugar content!  I am hopeful these will be good to make into pies or create jam from.

Finally we have the triple crown.

These plants are known for their huge berries and just general hardiness.  From what I have read, these are hard to kill and easy to pick and maintain.


I am super excited giving these bushes a try.  My understanding of growing blackberries is severely limited, as in I've never done this before!  But there is a lot of great information on the internet and I'm really hopeful to have a good production... in a year or so.  Apparently blackberries don't really produce their first year.

More Park Fridays

Why yes, there are a lot of park posts on the blog lately!

Why?

Because as the weather gets nicer, we get out more.

Which means more parks!

And park Friday's continue!  Because they are awesome!

We just had our first park adventure in panties.  

Yeah, we are potty training. 

Or attempting to anyway.

But look how grown up my baby looks in these photos!  

We went and explored a new to us park.  It was amazing!

It had swings, which are always a huge hit for baby girl.

But on top of that it had a huge playground area.  And a pond with a dock! 

And a fountain.  

She enjoyed watching through the little slats.

From there they also had a little area with cornhole and rocks to climb!  It was an awesome park!

This new park was a unilateral success.  She had a blast and we learned so much about enjoying ourselves outside at the park!