The day it was finalized

Someone caught me off guard today and asked if we were celebrating our daughter's "Gotcha day!".  I had to take a step back and realize some people have a very different idea of adoption than the reality.

Today, 3 years ago, a judge awarded us permanent custody of our daughter.

For many, this would be her Gotcha day!.  For us, it's just another day in her journey in our family.

Adoption is a celebration, but it's one that comes at a great price.

We love our daughter, and we understand the pain and suffering she has already endured.

She has lost so much.

And we make it a point to not celebrate loss as much as gains.

So we celebrate her release from the NICU, because that's a gain.

We celebrate her birth, because that's a gain.

We celebrate her being her, because we've gained so much from her.

But we do not celebrate her "gotcha day!".

Because that is her loss.

She gained a family that day, but she also lost access to her original birth certificate.

She gained parents who love her without question, but she also lost see her mother and father's names on paperwork.

Do we find her gotcha day sad?  No.

We love that this is her adoption day.  We love that we get to forever call her ours because of a judge signing a piece of paperwork.

We love her and all that she has brought to our family over the last 3 years.

But we also understand that adoption is complicated.

We listen to adoptees.  We listen to those who have similar stories.

And almost all of them hated their parents celebrating "gotcha day!".

So, for now, we don't celebrate.

If some day she wants us to, we absolutely will bring out all the streamers!

But for now, we quietly appreciate the day she became officially one of us.