Blogging is no longer about your family...

 So I've taken a couple free siminars about how to monetize your blog and make it pay you. And over and over again, it says "blogging isn't about your family, it's about the articles!" and I just want to go on record saying, no, for me it's still about my family. It's still about parenting as a queer father. It's still about parenting in this anti LGBTQ+ timeline. It's still about the adventures of baby girl. It's still all about my family and will remain that way. 

Even if that means we can never monetize. 

Because to me, there are so many blogs who represent mothers in heterosexual relationship raising a kid or 10. But there aren't any blogs from queer fathers just living life, raising their family, and writing about it! So here we are! 

So if you aren't here to learn about our family, to enjoy silly family stories, and family adventures, then you are likely not in the right place! 

Come along as we continue telling stories of our family and our journey as parents! 

School cancellation day traditions

 As we have children in a more modern style of brick and mortar schooling, we are finding ourselves looking at new school cancellation day traditions we can implement. I think we've found at least one we can enjoy time and time again!

Ice cream bar!

Once we learned school was cancelled, we got thinking. I immediately knew what *I* wanted, ice cream. And thankfully all our kiddos love ice cream as well! So that was a solid. 

Five people in the house, five different wants! 

It was a huge hit and the kids are eagerly awaiting another school cancellation in order to do it again!

Navigating Schooling and beyond

Okay, so hear me out. WTF is happening out there in the school world? I know as a homeschooler, we were insulated from a lot, but damn if I can understand how schools function any longer!

Big girl has chosen to go to brick and mortar school this year, which is absolutely within her rights to want. But as we navigated out local school district and began looking outside of that, we got lost in a sea of WTF and holy hell. 

We ended up going with a charter school, which where we live are public schools but are done by the lottery system and have a different school board. Exactly what we needed considering we live in a county that banned Old MacDonald had a Baby from a school because the very last page you learn the farmer is gay. Nothing mentioned about being gay, nope, just a pic of him and his husband. Obviously we can't put our kid in schools that think like that... hello, we are gay. 

But now I find myself navigating teachers and electives and attendance requirements and lack of freedom to do anything and gifts and school dances and so much more! And it's overwhelming to say the least. I never thought we'd be here and now that I'm trying to figure it all out, I am so lost. 

I have decided what I need is a school buddy, whose kids are also in a public school, so I can ask them all my questions. I have a few friends who have kids in the schools, but their schools seem to work differently than ours? I am thinking it's because we are at a charter? Anyway, I am trying to find a school buddy who won't think I'm a complete idiot when I ask the most basic questions! 

But also, hats off to parents who do this year after year. You all are navigating a system that is very confusing and makes not a lot of sense. All because that's what you do! 

I am still holding out hope big girl chooses to come back home after this school year. It'll make my life so much easier if she does! However, she is enjoying her time there and I am so thankful for that. 

Technical Difficulties

 Please forgive my absence. We are experiencing some technical difficulties over here. I hope to be back to blogging ASAP! 

Happy New Year

 Happy new year to you and yours! May your year be full of delight and wishes come true!

See you again in the new year!

photo: Depositphotos

Why a parenting blog?

I'm not sure if I've ever answered this before, but now I'm thinking about my why a lot more and wanted to put it out there!

Why a parenting blog? Why take the time to write a blog that is going into a market very saturated with all types of opinions? 

Representation. 

I follow a ton of parenting blogs. Follow along on different social media platforms as well. And even follow a ton of their podcasts! I love to hear people chat about parenting and raising a family and existing in the world as a parent. Parenting is so unique to each family on how they do it and our family is no different. I just love hearing about how others do it too! 

But they are all writing for moms. I don't ever see or hear of a parenting blog for all parents. It's all "For moms by moms", which is valuable! And so much needed. Moms absolutely need community and to hear others describe their experience. 

I also think there needs to be a parenting blog that represents parents other than moms. Not seeing this anywhere, I decided to create it. And years ago, this wasn't exactly why I started blogging. And it's not totally my reason today. It's part of my reasoning. 

I also really like writing. And talking about my kid. And all the kids who come through our household. And the experiences we have as gay parents. And so much more. 

So why a parenting blog? That's a hard question to answer specifically. Why not a parenting blog? Why not write about what I love writing, so that I'm writing again? That's the goal, just write! 

I don't expect this to be anything more than my ramblings about my existence with my children. And that's exactly what I want it to be, and for that I'm excited to get back to writing. I'm excited to start putting my thoughts on paper again and enjoying doing it all. 

I hope you all enjoy the blog. If you do, great! If you don't, that's also great! I'm not for everyone and everyone is not for me. Overall, I am happy to be doing what I'm doing, how I'm doing it and existing in this space. I look forward to writing more and in the end, that's what matters to me! 

Baby girl update

Since the last time we wrote, baby girl has turned into big girl. At 8 years old, she is growing up extremely fast and it has me all in my feelings. I am so grateful she gets the chance to grow up and I am loving watching her so much. So what has this big girl been up to? Sooooo much!

Big girl is rocking out at this big sister routine. She understands the assignment heavily and is mostly enjoying the experience. That's not to say she doesn't have her moments, that would be dishonest to state. However, she continues to want to be the best big sister to whomever is in our household. 

Another big change for her this year is the fact that she's chosen to attend a brick school vs continuing to homeschool. We've been a homeschooling family for the last 3 years of her education, and while it's been amazing, she wanted to try something else this year. She is adjusting and we are learning a whole new side to the school world! 

She is also still rocking out the gymnastics life! She continues to excel here in ways we both knew she would and that are completely unexpected. We cannot believe how amazing she is doing. She's continuing to move up every year and as long as she's happy, we are happy to see her continue! 

What other interests does she have? She's taken to reading graphic novels as her choice of entertainment. This has been fun to explore with her and she continues to read everything she can! We are so excited seeing her jump into reading after a bit of a rocky start. 

She also loves Pokemon. It is very interesting seeing my kiddos get into something that I remember from my childhood. Of course she doesn't believe that I knew what Pokemon was at her age! She can't think that her beloved card game is THAT old. 

She is also reminding us daily that she is full of sugar, spice, and sass. It's a challenge at times, but we absolutely wouldn't have it any other way! Each one of those traits is a leadership requirement and we absolutely want her to be a leader! 

What else is there to talk about with the kiddo! A lot of our parenting is learning with each new stage she's in! We are exhausted and fulfilled at the same time. 

Oh uhm, hello again

 Hello old friend, it has been a long time. 

Why? Because sometimes life gets away from you and you forget to prioritize your personal needs. For me, writing is a personal need. I need to continue to write in order to continue to feel human. And it's been a while since I have felt human.

So much has changed, and yet so has so little. Here is a little update on our life.

As you can tell by the photo, there isn't just one set of shoes anymore. What does that mean?

We have opened our home as a foster family. Surprise! We currently have 2 littles in our home, of which you all will know nothing about, sorrynotsorry. But yes, that is the biggest change in our house currently! There's more of them than us now! (Them being children...)

Our daughter is also 8 now! Imagine that, 8 years old! She was like 2 when I started this blog. She's grown into quite a lovely young person! I will do a whole post for her and her accomplishments now. 

Overall, we are doing really well and are finally in a position to continue this blogging journey. 

There have been a lot of ups and downs since I last wrote, of which each will get it's own post so I can do the stories justice, but that is life. And it's our life.

So we look forward to coming back out here and sharing our story with you all again!

Time to write

I thought with everything going on or alternately no going on, that I would have a ton of time to write more.  That I would be able to start chronicling my family journey again.  But it seems that's not the case.

I started a nonprofit 2 years ago and oddly enough this down time has been the best for not doing anything but working on that.  Working on new campaigns for social media.  Making new contacts.  All of that fun stuff.

So now I'm busy and the kid is taking life at home in stride and yet, I want to write.

I want to write about our life, our schooling, our future family plans.  I want to outline everything we've been doing.  Everything we plan to do.

I want to show off pictures of our garden and how we are making progress on redoing it all.  I want to talk about everyone being home 24/7 and how that is making our relationships stronger but also making us all a little touchy about silly little things that don't really matter.

But instead I open this page and I don't write.  Because how can I say it all but do it all justice?

Slowly but surely I'm working on coming back and making this space my own again.

I know you are here for the parenting life, and that's gonna come back soon.

Just have to find the new normal and balance.

Balance.

2 years

It's been almost two years since my last post.  And so much has changed, and yet nothing has changed at all.

I've decided to pick back up writing.  I miss it.  I miss writing about parenting and right now we are parenting in such a unique and historic time in the world.  I want to document this.  If nothing else, than for my child.

I want her to see that her papa wrote about what was going on.  About what her childhood was like during this time.

So here we are again.  Going to dust off the old spell checker, and notoriously get half the words wrong anyways, and get back to writing.  Get back to documenting my family, my life, my child, and all that comes with it.

This is more for me than anyone, but you are welcome to continue along the journey with me.

A thousand words and fears

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.

But what they don't tell you is that it's also worth a thousand fears.

This picture is one that left me full of fear.

And pride.

But mostly fear.

And I'm not sure everyone can understand.

Because in reality I don't understand it completely myself.

Here it is, however.  The picture that now swells my heart.  But in the moment gave me such pause.

And also gives me so much hope for the future.

She was not afraid.

She wanted to show off her flag she got at Pride.

Pride we take her too so that our family is normalized in her mind.

This is what we want to accomplish.

Her finding nothing wrong here, no fear, no hesitation, no nothing.

And we got it in this moment.

But we were nervous.  I cannot lie, I was scared.

I was scared.

But she wasn't.

May we all have this faith in humanity.

May we all feel the elation she felt waving her flag as we walked around a small shopping district near us.

May we all feel this abandonment as we happily show off our colors.

Because this 3 year old child felt this way.

I learn so much from her every day.

And this lesson is one I feel everyone can share in.

Be proud.

Never fear.

You are accepted and loved here.

Barefoot at the park

What's that?

Take your shoes off and run around barefoot in the woods?

Ok!

So it wasn't the plan, but hey!  She is enjoying herself.

This park date was super fun.  She played so hard and got so sweaty and stinky, just how kids should be!

Oh and these ducks!  We were looking at the lake area in this park.

And these ducks came around the corner.

I honestly think they thought the pebbles the kids were throwing into the lake was food of some kind.

But they then followed the kids from there to the little dock, and I think would have followed them more if we had stayed near the water.

I promised the kid that we would come back soon with duck food for them.

We haven't made it yet, but we will dammit!

All in all a great day.

End of summer

One of the best parts of summer was the pool.

Sure, it's been closed for a month now

But we so enjoyed it when it was open.

However, once again, we didn't use it nearly enough.

This year though we had an awesome new kiddie pool in our community.

And boy did the kid love it!

So much.

And it's really cool.

Jets, bubbler, mushroom waterfall.

The kid was in heaven!

So as we move towards fall, and then winter, let's look at these pictures and remember the height of summer.

And being at the pool.

Seize the day

So I took a little time off the blog.  But for a good reason.

I started something and I'm excited where it's going.  But it has taken my time and energy.

And now I'm starting other new things.  Not quite as big as the first, but still worth it to me.

And I'm loving it.

But this post is about making sure you seize the day.  Do it.  Do that thing because now is the time.

The other day I was leaving my driveway with the kid.  In a rush, of course, because life has been hectic and busy.  I noticed our morning glories on the mailbox and went "Oh, I will take a picture of those when I get home, they are pretty."

You know one thing about morning glories?  They are only in the morning only.  So when I got home, this was what I was met with.  Closed up flowers.  And at that moment I had one of those life things where you go "oh, damn".  

I had missed my chance to get a beautiful picture that day, because I wasn't taking the moments to savor what matters.  I was busy, I had shit to do, and in that rush I missed the beauty.

Well, no, I didn't miss it.  I saw it.  But I chose to put it off until later to capture it.

And that's almost worst than missing it.  Because that is just ignoring it.

I ignored the beauty.

And then it all kind of make me think about what I'm missing in life because I'm constantly moving and moving and having to do and do and do.

What am I missing because I've not taken the time to stop and appreciate the flowers.

The answer is so much.

So I knew I needed to slow down a little.

So I did.

The next time I was able, I said no.

I stopped doing and going and just appreciated the slow pace of the day.

And because of that, I was able to go take a picture of these flowers.  These morning glories.

Which are apparently invasive weeds.

But I love them.  On our mailbox anyways....

So the moral of the story, and the answer to where I have been, is that I was taking a break to focus on what matters.  Taking a moment to experience what is going on around me and with me and through me.  

My kid is happy and healthy.  My husband is happy and healthy.  I am finding my happy and working towards my healthy.  

And all in all, I needed this break to appreciate this space more.  I have missed writing.  And now I know how to get back to it.  Because I took that time, I am able to spend the time here.  

And it's wonderful.  

So here's to taking the moment, seizing the day and moving forward with your dreams and yet, at the same time, taking a moment to stop and breathe.  

All at the same time.  

A bike ride!

Getting out during the summer means doing awesome things like riding her bike!

Working on turns
helmet love
go baby go!

She loves getting out there on her balance bike.  We chose to go with a balance over a tricycle in hopes of her being able to skip the training wheels.  She seems to enjoy the safety nets vs learning new skills.  So if we start out with the skill as the basis then we can build instead of learning something new!

We go back and forth down our street.  From neighbor to neighbor.  She loves it!

Her big new skill this time was learning to turn the bike.  For some reason this is a skill I didn't realize would be difficult, but it really is!  Learning how far to turn the bike in order not fall over, but still go back around the other way.  But she's mastering it!

Summer bike rides are the best!

Turn on the magical colored lights!

So baby girl go a light bright for her birthday from her aunt!

I'm pretty sure I was more excited than she was.

But she taken to it like a fish in water!

She doesn't do the pictures yet.  Those are still a little hard for her.

But what she does do is group colors together.

And she makes amazing pictures from that!

Look at this art!

I am always amazed by her.  She blows me away constantly.  

This is not exception.  

Garden update July!

Holy crap things are growing!!!

Look at all this awesome stuff growing!

 If you've followed along, you know we've had a ton of problems getting our garden to grow.

But now it's growing!  Look!

This is a very green Cherokee Purple slicing tomato.

There are 14 of these plants in our garden and this is the only tomato on the vine, so far.

But I'm so proud of this tomato.

 We had a ton of problems with carrots and probably have 7.

I planted probably 40.

But those 7 are doing well!  If not a little above ground despite my best efforts.

I have learned so much from these carrots though.  But this is a Cosmic Purple, I believe.  I can't wait for it to get a little bigger so we can pull it and eat it!

 This one I am super excited about!

Yes, the weeds are awful around it.  We are going to cardboard and mulch under it as soon as we can, but this is what we have right now!

This is a Strawberry Watermelon.

And it looks soooooo amazing!

I didn't think my watermelons would make it.  And of the 6 I started, it appears we have one Strawberry and one Orangello.  The only watermelon on the vine though is this one!

I'm gonna really keep you updated on this beauty!

Last but certainly not least is this wonderful little nub.

This is a Cantaloupe!

I am most excited about this little thing and I cannot want for him to grow big and strong and be yummy in my tummy.

I think I have the kiddo most excited for this one too.  As she's all about it every time we walk outside.

It's only a tiny little thing, but this is a Amish Melon.  Apparently it is closer to a muskmelon flavor than a rock melon (cantaloupe in America) flavor, but I'm still gonna call it a cantaloupe and love it just as much!




As you can see, our garden is starting to give us more than beans!  But we do have a lot of beans.  But that picture seems to have disappeared and I haven't the energy to go take a new picture.  That's right, lazy.

But we got one crop of green beans, stringless, and we've left the black beans on the plants to dry.  Our bean plants aren't really doing great.  It seems we got one crop and then bam, they all started dying.  So we are gonna let them dry the beans in the pods for seeds for next year and try again.

Our garden is growing amazingly.  I hate summer, but man I do love gardening!

And I have learned so much this year. So next year we are gonna have the best garden ever!

Bowling fun

Part of the goal of summer 2018 is getting out and meeting new people and experiencing new things.

One of the new things we are trying this year is bowling!

With a new friend at that!

And baby girl is killing it!

I come from a family that loves bowling.  These awesome ramps?  They weren't a thing when I was learning to bowl.

Baby girl doesn't bowl both games completely.  Typically she bowls about half of each game and lets the boy we are bowling with bowl her other frames.  He loves it!

Look at how well she did though when she DOES bowl!

Anyway, bowling has been a great outlet for her and for me.  I've made new friends and found a new activity we can do together.

And it's FREE!

Except for the shoes.  We pay 7 bucks for our shoes each time.  But seven dollars to have such an amazing memory with my kid that I have with my parents?

That's pretty priceless.

Swing life away

We recently had a function at a park and baby girl was in love with the fact that there were not babies there, which meant she got to swing in the baby swings.  Her favorite because she can enjoy herself without having to worry about balancing, which is still hard for her at her barely 3.

She played hard with a new friend.  And after it was over we went to lunch with Daddy.  We were already out, might as well meet him and enjoy some time together!

Well, she was tired.  Apparently swinging in the baby swings all morning just exhausts you!

We had a peaceful lunch.  She didn't sleep long, but you could tell she wanted to.

We love park dates!

The day it was finalized

Someone caught me off guard today and asked if we were celebrating our daughter's "Gotcha day!".  I had to take a step back and realize some people have a very different idea of adoption than the reality.

Today, 3 years ago, a judge awarded us permanent custody of our daughter.

For many, this would be her Gotcha day!.  For us, it's just another day in her journey in our family.

Adoption is a celebration, but it's one that comes at a great price.

We love our daughter, and we understand the pain and suffering she has already endured.

She has lost so much.

And we make it a point to not celebrate loss as much as gains.

So we celebrate her release from the NICU, because that's a gain.

We celebrate her birth, because that's a gain.

We celebrate her being her, because we've gained so much from her.

But we do not celebrate her "gotcha day!".

Because that is her loss.

She gained a family that day, but she also lost access to her original birth certificate.

She gained parents who love her without question, but she also lost see her mother and father's names on paperwork.

Do we find her gotcha day sad?  No.

We love that this is her adoption day.  We love that we get to forever call her ours because of a judge signing a piece of paperwork.

We love her and all that she has brought to our family over the last 3 years.

But we also understand that adoption is complicated.

We listen to adoptees.  We listen to those who have similar stories.

And almost all of them hated their parents celebrating "gotcha day!".

So, for now, we don't celebrate.

If some day she wants us to, we absolutely will bring out all the streamers!

But for now, we quietly appreciate the day she became officially one of us.